i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
