the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
