i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
