Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
