I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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