okay pat passed out under dana's car
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
