I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
