Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
