so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
