I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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