me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
