My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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