She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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