Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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