R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize