Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
