While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
