bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
