Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
