Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
