Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize