He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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