i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
