Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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