and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
