omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
