I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
