I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
