we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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