I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
