Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
