I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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