mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
