He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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