go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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