im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
