I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
