So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The power of my boobs compel you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
