i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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