Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
