Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
