My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
