Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
