I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
