You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
