Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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