the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize