I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
