I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
