is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
