its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
