Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Everything about him screamed your future.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
