I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
