and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
