Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
