this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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