things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize