She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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