I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
