I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
