it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
