Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize