If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish you could order shots online.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
