I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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