According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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