12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize