oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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