im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i have herpe
just one?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We smell like vodka and hangover
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