You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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