Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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