So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
